28th

G'Day.

This is a blog, isn't it? So I've decided on this day to blog about my thoughts, something I've rarely ever done. Not through short stories, not through half-assed drawings, and not through musical drafts. This time I've decided to speak.

So today is the first time in my memory that I am alone for my birthday. I am alone, but not lonely. I know I have people who care, and whom I care about. I was with people shortly before, in the wee hours of the morning that we still consider the late night. I had my first poutine of the year, and it was a good one.

This evening, alone in front of my computer, I found myself looking back at my past twenty-some years. Years which felt so long, a true lifetime, but in the scheme of this decade, this century, this Earth lifetime, so very insignificant. And that's where my mind rebelled. Is it so insignificant? I very rarely indulge in reminiscing, preferring to live in the present, look towards the future, and all that. But I've decided to take a good look at my accomplishments or lack thereof.

What have I done of my dreams of old, of youth? I haven't written a book. I haven't written a script. I haven't ever painted. I haven't composed a full piece. I haven't been in a play. I haven't done anything significant in the fight for environment, apart from diligently recycling and re-using. I can't skate properly. I can't do flips. I haven't learned a lot of things I wanted to learn; skills, facts, theories, knowledge. I have failed at friendship once and wish it would be resolved. I knew anger many times, and I've hated. I don't know where I'm going.

I've made new friends. I've come to actually care and believe in social interactions. I've come a long way from my first piano lesson. I've learned of the inherent altruism in me. I've also come a long way in martial arts, and it excites me to see the road that lies ahead. I believe in my writing abilities. I've built a computer. I have traveled in recent years, and am looking forward to much more. I've discovered the beauty of photography. I have laughed. I have loved. I know who I am.

There is that dormant ambition within me which flares up from time to time. I've come to terms with it. I've come to realize it doesn't matter what I've created, what mark I've left on the world. What matters is who I am, if I live my life truely, honestly. And ideally, in a positive karmic way. I know this to be difficult, for I am very aware of the darkness that lurks beneath, in the back of my mind, from older times.

I am old today. Perhaps it is for the best.

I'm done thinking for the year, would anyone like to join me for coffee tonight?